Writing Professional Emails Part 2

Analyze the following real emails from students for formatting, content, and politeness:

 

Email #1: How could you improve the formatting and wording of this email?

from—————-
to: Julia Doe <juliadoe@gmail.com>
date: Mon, Dec 10, 2010 at 4:00 PM
subject: today’s class

 

Dear Julie

Hi. This is Janos.
I probably won’t be able to attend today’s class and thursday’s class.
But if my absentity is not enough, I will take time today to go to class.
Could you inform me in case?

Sorry to take your time, but I think I’m running out of time to finish my report to my company…

Best Regards

Janos

 

Email #2: How could you improve these short emails?

from: ——
to: Julia Deak <jdeak@dolphin.upenn.edu>
date: Thu, Oct 9, 2008 at 9:00 AM
subject: Hi, this is Noah.

I am Noah. I’d like to hand in the essay of unit 2.

Attached is the file. Please receive it.

See you tomorrow^^

Noah

From: —-

To: m2@sas.upenn.edu

Date: February 26, 2011

Subject: statement of purpose

Hi Meredith,

I have been working for couple of week at my statement of purpose. Finally I completed. Could you check my statement purpose and my resume. I want to apply University of Wisconsin Law School but the deadline is March 1 so I really need them tomorrow. I am sorry I am late.

Thanks,

Semra

 

From: ——–

To: m2@sas.upenn.edu

Date: February 9, 2010

Subject: Shamma

 

Hi Meredith ,

I reviwe the passion essay  , can you accept it and check it  ?

thank,

Shamma

 

Compare these emails. Find 3 problems with #3. Then say how #4  is more polite.

Email #3:

Dear Doe,

I am applying for a summer institute and I need a recommendation letter. The deadline is tomorrow. Could you please write one for me? I am attaching the form below.

Thank you!
My sincerely,

Jun

 

Email #4 (written 2 months before deadline):
Dear Julia,

 

How is your life in Seattle? I have not seen you for a long long time. I hope everything goes well with you.

 

This is my second year for TESOL program. As I have been working as a research assistant for Prof. Perfecto and Prof. Bien, I am more and more interested in doing research, therefore, I plan to apply for the Ph. D. program at GSE. However, many of the professors that have taught me cannot write a recommendation letter because they are the members of the committee. I was wondering could you write a recommendation letter for me? I do understand if you cannot since I know you are very busy. I hope you understand.

 

I will e-mail my SOP, transcript and resume to you if you can write a letter for me. Thank you very much. I look forward to your response. Have a good weekend!

 

Sincerely,

Fanny

 

 

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